


Ghost of You

by aDreamonster



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 10:05:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14423079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aDreamonster/pseuds/aDreamonster
Summary: It’s the oldest story in the universe. This one or any other. Boy and girl fall in love, get separated by events–war, politics, accidents in time. She’s thrown out of the hex or he’s thrown into it. Since then they’ve been yearning for each other across time and space. Across dimensions. This isn’t a ghost story, it’s a love story..





	Ghost of You

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic and English is not my first language so please be nice.

_It’s the oldest story in the universe. This one or any other. Boy and girl fall in love, get separated by events–war, politics, accidents in time. She’s thrown out of the hex or he’s thrown into it. Since then they’ve been yearning for each other across time and space. Across dimensions. This isn’t a ghost story, it’s a love story._.

He remembers saying that once,a long long time ago, maybe it was to her but he can’t be sure, actually he can’t be sure of much lately. He could always trust his brain, yeah sometimes it took him a while to remember or understand but he always got there in the end, but now there was a hole, a black hole in fact sucking all the happiness he had inside of him,and all he knew it was because of her the faceless woman,the one called Clara. And unlike that time this love story was also a ghost story.

Everywhere he went, there she was in the corner of his eye, a shadow passing by , never to be seen only to be felt. And so he went saving planet after planet, galaxy after galaxy , and every time his ghost was there haunting him, But not in a scary way more like a loving presence a guardian angel keeping him safe, making sure he kept his promise to always be the Doctor.

On the rare occasion that he sleeps he dreams of her, of course that by the moment he opens his eyes she’s gone, but he still can feel her soft kiss on his cheek, her hands on his, or the warmth of her embrace. But it all fades away and it's all a distance memory, making him think that his mind is playing tricks on him. The first time he woke up crying was when he understood why his memories had been taken away, the rage he felt could only be caused by one thing and he knew it very well, she had been taken away from him, killed and whomever was to blame would pay for it. And that just made him cry even more a love so strong he would burn down the universe, break every rule he set for himself. And now he couldn’t even remember her smile, all he had was a ghost.

One time while walking through the market of a small planet even him had a hard time pronouncing , he could swear he had seen her, not that he knew what she looked like but it was the expression on the woman’s face, how his hearts started beating and how it felt so hard to not walk towards her like there was this string around his heart pulling him to her, but then he blinked and she was gone.

So he kept searching everywhere he went, he even would let the Tardis pick where they were going, ending it up in strange bars,sometimes on museums always leaving him with the feeling that he was just a second late. One time he ended up at a beautiful park, some earth colony around the 55th century , she wasn’t there but he was already half expecting this outcome, but what he found was almost as magnificent as it would be to find the woman. He found a book on a park bench no name on the cover just the initials C.O,it could belong to anyone in the universe but he just knew it,or maybe it was hopeful thinking he told himself, either way he sat on that bench and opened the book.

On the first page there was a drawing of a place he knew too well, his home, the Tardis on a beach, a very simple drawing that somehow made his hearts ache. There were other drawing different places, sometimes of different species, or a solar system. The drawings start to get better with each page he turns, but somehow they also start to look sad, not being able to quite understand how a drawing of place can look so sad he turns to the last page and there he sees na unfinished drawing of a familiar face, his own. But in a way it’s not his face, cause it looks different, something about his eyes,they seem to shine, or maybe it’s the way his lips curl,a secret smile of some sort. He traces the drawing with the tip of his finger as if by doing that he could somehow connect to the artist. In that moment in that small park it’s where he for the first time in a very long time he feels whole, at peace, but her knows he can’t stay there forever,he thinks about taking the book with him, but somehow that doesn’t feel right, he already did wrong by reading the book. So he leaves it where he found, the only proof of his presence being the tear drops stains he left behind.

And back to the Tardis he goes, saves some planets,meet some people but then he’s back at the park, he finds the bench and the book is still there , maybe she did leave it for him to find, which is weird how had she know?! So he opens it again and there are new drawings, and then he finds one of himself again, it’s him on the park reading the book,and the realisation hits him, she was there, she had seen everything, so he takes his eyes off the book and tries to see if she’s there this time again. Nothing, like he expected but he’s not sad, he understands he can’t find her, but she’s there that’s her message,he’s not alone and so he smiles, picks up a pen and draws her a picture, one that he knows come from his dreams he might not remember her face, or the sound of her voice, but he knows he held her hand and that they ran together, so that’s what he draws, himself and a girl running trough a sky full of stars. He looks up again searching for her one last time before he leaves but no one's there.

And as all good love stories something even more tragic happens the Doctor has gone blind, na adventure gone wrong so he goes to the park and just sits there with a note on his hand and he waits for what it seems hours but in reality it could only have been a couple of minutes. A single droplet on his hand followed by a small sob, he turns in the direction of the noise wish nothing more than he could see her or hold her and make her pain go away.

-I'm sorry- it’s all he can say

She puts her hands on his,and his hearts almost stop, she doesn’t say a word but rests her head on his shoulder, sitting in silence had always felt like torture to the Doctor , but today it was heaven itself. They stay like that for a long time but then she untangled their hands.

-Please don’t leave- his voice no more than a whisper stretching his arms trying to reach her

A kiss on his forehead, and he can feel the brush of her mind against his, an apology and a promise, she will come back, his breath gets stuck on his throat, and he can feel tears forming but he won’t let them fall, not again, he won’t make her feel even more sad. He gets up puts his glasses on doesn’t look back, as much as he wants to see her he understands that if that ever happens it will be on her terms.

It’s so hard walking away, everything he wants just slipping away. He mindlessly walks to the Tardis sets the course back to his office, and in less than a minute he’s aready sitting on his chair,his mind in a trance trying to retain every second he spent in her presence it’s hard he can feel some bits slipping away, but he will not lose this battle against his own mind. He stays like that for hours his frown even more deep concentrating so hard he can’t even hear the sound of a Tardis materializing, only noticing that someone else is in the room when he feels her hands cupping his face.

\- I'm sorry – her voice so low he might have thought it was his imagination wasn't for her hands on his face.

\- You don’t need to it wasn’t your fault – he wraps his arms around her waist bringing her closer.

His head is against her chest and her hands have wrapped themselves on his hair, he wants nothing more than to talk to her, but he’s also afraid that the moment he opens his mouth she will walk away.

\- I can’t stay with you – it’s like she’s the one who can read minds- I shouldn’t even be here...

\- I know. But I was still hoping you would

She burries her head on his hair

\- I don’t really understand why, at first I thought you were a ghost and it made a bit of sense for me to try and erase you from my memories cause I had lost you and I wanted to destroy who had taken you from me. But you are alive, so why ? – the last word carried so much pain

Clara can barely handle seeing him like this, she had promised to stay away, saving the world from themselves, but how could she just leave when he needed her the most?!

\- I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to tell you.

\- Please Clara.

\- We are dangerous together, I did get hurt you were not wrong and what you did was what made us realize it’s not safe for the universe for you and me to be together. I didn’t want your memories to be erased but it was either you or me one of us had to go.

\- I see... Clara, did I scare you?

\- I could never be scared of you, I know you, all of you and I trust you no matter what. I was scared for you tho.

\- Why?

\- Because I can’t stand it when you hate yourself for the things you have to do. You told me once sometimes the only choices we have are bad ones and I know how much it hurts to have to make the hard choices and seeing you hurt, that’s what scares me the most. - She lets out a broken sob, he pulls her to his lap , her head falls against his chest and he can feel the tears wetting his shirt

\- I, I'm so sorry, my Clara – he kisses her head - I know, it’s not your fault, so don’t blame yourself. But you need to stop following me, don’t look for me anymore please. I had to say goodbye to you too many times I can’t take it anymore.

\- I'm not following you

\- Yes you are,I don’t even know how you did it but everywhere I go you show up, I even had to get myself one of those invisible watches...

\- Oh I see! clever Tardis she knew I was sad so she took me to you.

Clara's small laugh makes his hearts skip a beat, oh this impossible woman , he can’t even remember her but she owns his hearts. They stay in silence for a while just wrapped around each other.

\- Doctor?

\- Yes?

\- You have to promise you will stop looking for me

\- Don’t make me promise that please. I need you

\- And that makes us too dangerous, the whole universe is not worth me.

\- To me it's, and that’s the problem...I know. I promise I will try.

\- I should go now – She says trying to get up, but his grip around her tightens

\- Just stay with me for a moment longer please. I will forget everything the minute you are gone so just let me have you for one more minute.

A minute turns into na hour, and he tells her stories about the things he’s done and she tells him hers, but she knows the longer she stays it becomes harder for her to leave.

\- I’m sorry Doctor- She cuts him just as he was about to start another story

The smile he had on his face fades and she tries to keep control of her own emotions, she gets up , he grabs her hand,not willing to let her go, he’s got his head down and she is sure that it’s so she won’t see the tears in his eyes. She cups his face with her other hand forcing him to face her.

Oh damn the consequences she thinks to herself , and kisses him.

If the universe ended in that moment the Doctor wouldn’t even notice, her lips so soft against his , tears he tried so hard to keep it back stream down his face, he can feel her tears mixing with his, this is goodbye.

\- Goodbye Doctor. – She says letting go of his hand, he won’t try to stop her,he knows he can't

\- I love you- he whispers as her Tardis disappears

He cries as his memories start to fade, he will keep his promise, he won’t try find her, at least not until he can remember, and he will, somehow he will get her back, it’s a love story after all


End file.
